From the start, we recognized that the recovery of those who have gone to war depends in large part on the people they have around them when they get back—most notably their spouses, their parents, and their kids. It’s also clear that those who have strong family support do much better in recovery than those who lack such support, and that’s why we put so much emphasis on including the entire family in all of our affairs.
In some of the conversations with and observations of our Combat Wounded Vets, we’ve come to learn that it’s the vets feel most comfortable around their kids. In many cases, depending on the severity of their PTSD, it’s the kids who bring the veterans peace, serenity and a sense of security. The combat wounded almost regress and relate more to kids than to adults, and that’s one of the many reasons we place so much importance on the children. If you want to see why Wounded Heroes of America functions as a family, you simply have to come to our events and see how the children interact with our vets. You don’t have to be a sociologist to see the positive effect they have on our foundation.
It was purely by accident that we came to realize how important this component of our work is. While the goal is to get our vets together and help them create the brotherhood and sense of family they had while serving in the military, creating opportunities that bring their kids out is one of the best ways to achieve that.
We started our foundation without much guidance, or experience with mental health or established programs; we simply wanted to help those who fought for us and then came back mentally and physically broken. In the beginning, we focused on helping the widows and the children, and it was heartbreaking work. As time passed, however, we transitioned to helping returning wounded veterans who were suffering from depression and mental issues to the detriment of their lives and relationships. And that’s what we still do. But always at the center were the children. So we started with Flowers for Mothers, to show the moms we loved them and recognized their losses and sacrifices. To show the children the same support, we began giving them presents on their birthdays and on Christmas.
While the experts were developing theories and programs, we hosted baby showers. While researchers were labeling conditions that could explain suicides, we created programs to keep our vets busy, especially during the holidays. At Christmas, the Santa suits came out, and our vets collected, wrapped, and delivered toys to nearly 200 children.
Keeping everyone busy during the holidays was not an accident. Several years ago, one of our vets committed suicide over the holiday period. While this young warrior received financial assistance from us, we were never able to get him to take part in the fellowship or have contact with other vets that were slowly but surely improving their lives. In a moment of desperation, the young man lost his personal battle. It was a terrible time, and it was a wakeup call about the seriousness of depression and isolation felt by many of our combat wounded.
We believe the constant contact approach sets us apart from many other organizations, including the VA itself, which has a team of experts. If we find a method that works, we continue it; if a method fails, we stop using it.
We’ve had to do all of this on a shoestring budget, relying on help from the partners we have in our communities, but what we do can easily be duplicated in any community. Keep things simple. Show care and encouragement, and develop ways for the vets to maintain regular contact. Doing these things collectively can help our vets fight the isolation and depression they can so often experience.
“To the untrained eye, it seems it’s only a baby shower; we think it’s a little more than that.”
Mike Talleda- President and founder